The Polyamory Manifesto
The Polyamory Manifesto
Principles of Successful Consensual Non-Monogamous Partnerships
MOTTO: Instead of free sex, we need free love and the state of being in love! Unlike love
and the state of being in love, which need no limitations, sex should always be under control!
I Safeguarding the Treasure
1) The principal relationship and the second most important relationship
The principal relationship is the relationship with oneself, that is, with one’s Self (*1). That is everyone’s greatest treasure.
The second most important relationship is the relationship with one’s polyamorous partner or partners. Only a long-term relationship with one’s partner/partners can guarantee the success of the principal relationship.
The reason for this is that a person who is in conscious contact with their Divine Self also perceives the Divine Self of their partner. Such a person has no difficulty accepting their partner’s limitations and imperfections.
On the other hand, by accepting one’s partner’s limitations and imperfections one simultaneously overcomes one’s own limitations and imperfections, which obscure the view of one’s Self.
Therefore, sustaining a partnership means sustaining the relationship with one’s True Self. Judas first betrayed the Divine Life in himself before he went on to betray another human being. In order for someone to betray or abandon their partner/partners, they first have to betray or abandon the relationship with their higher nature. Hence, a true long-term partnership represents a method of personal and spiritual growth as well as of self-improvement.
2) Strengthening and deepening the love relationship
The Komaja Meditation (*2) technique is exceptionally valuable in making a love relationship stronger and deeper. It is recommended that the visions used in Komaja Meditation as well as in daily fantasies primarily be those of one’s primary partner.
3) Love-erotic contract
A written love-erotic contract on an open marriage, a zayedna (*3) or another type of polyamorous relationship also significantly contributes to the stability and the quality of a relationship.
4) Support structure for the relationship
It is recommended that the partners establish a “support structure” for the polyamorous relationship, which structure may consist of love-erotic mentors, a professional mentor and/or a tantra master, providing that neither partner has sexual relations with the members of the “support structure”.
5) The first year
A person who engages in a polyamorous relationship and thus joins a polyamorous milieu may, within the first year, engage in sexual encounters with third persons from the same milieu only with the consent of their partner and upon consulting the persons involved in the “support structure”.
6) Not neglecting the primary relationships
Development of new love relationships, encounters, and love affairs may never lead to neglect of the primary relationship/relationships. In the event that this is the case, the partner may request that the new relationship be limited or even terminated. (The partner may only exercise this right for two consecutive persons.)
7) Limitation of rights and freedoms
The rights and freedoms are also to be limited in case of illness, academic or business overload, relationship crisis, and other related cases on which the partners reach an agreement.
8) Extension of rights and freedoms
A person who has the experience of one or two successful polyamorous relationships amounting to a minimum of five years should have greater rights and freedoms than a polyamorously inexperienced and/or unsuccessful partner.
9) Misuse of rights and freedoms
If a person violates their love-erotic contract (because of another person or due to the need for unlimited sexual freedom), the polyamorous milieu is obligated to inform the interested (potentially threatened) parties of this.
II Sharing With Others and Further Enrichment
1) Conscious and responsible use of sex
While sex can be misused (to create an addiction, for power games, for the sake of money etc.), it can also be used to relieve stress, to express love and affection, for physical and spiritual healing, for attaining higher states of consciousness and bliss etc. Only superficial and unenlightened people believe that one only has sex when one feels the urge to have sex. (s.a. Fig. 1)
2) Enrichment of life
Through training and the culture of love and of being in love with several persons, by giving oneself to others, one enriches oneself as well as others and makes oneself as well as others happy, which includes one’s partner/partners. (If the motives for sex with third parties and the engagement in sex are appropriate, it has a highly inspirational effect on polyamorous “marriages”.)
3) Protection and enhancement of the polyamorous community
The measure of freedom of each member of a polyamorous community (an open marriage, the Komaja’s zayedna and similar) is determined by the common interest of protection and enhancement of the polyamorous community.
4) Freedom and confirmed capacity for polyamory
The measure of freedom is also determined by the measure of the previously confirmed capacity for building long-term love relationships (particularly parallel ones).
5) In case of disagreement
In case of disagreement over the measure of freedom, the love-erotic mentors, the professional mentor and/or tantra master should be consulted.
6) Joint decisions
Encounters with third parties (time, frequency, persons involved, reasons, and so on) are jointly considered and decided upon by the partners, and not on an individual level.
7) When freedom is justified
Freedom is justified only if it enlivens and enriches the primary relationship/relationships.
8) Discreet living of freedom
Freedom should be lived in a discreet manner, in a way in which neither one’s own nor other people’s children will be adversely affected, and in line with the level of the consciousness and culture of the broader environment.
9) The ideal case
In cases in which both the relationship with one’s Self and the relationship with one’s primary partner/partners are faultless, there is, in principle, no need for limiting the sexual freedoms among consenting adults.
(*1) In Western philosophy and psychology: True Self or Real Self; in transpersonal psychology (Ken Wilber): Ultimate Wholeness; in religious terms: Ātman – Divine Self or the highest Self (Hinduism); the Nature of Buddha (Buddhism); Divine Soul (Christianity, Islam and Judaism) etc.
(*2) F. M. Makaja’s original technique for the training and development of love and consciousness. For a detailed description of the basic technique see https://www.komaja.org/komaja-meditation.
(*3) zayedna (Croatian: zajedna f) – the closest long-term union of at least two human beings. All the members of the zayedna are always open to accepting new individuals under the same conditions when one of the members develops a love relationship with them. Unlike marriage (which is focused on the satisfaction of the sex drive, as well as on begetting and raising children), zayedna is based on the satisfaction of the spiritual and psychic needs of its members. Therefore, sexual intercourse between members is not obligatory in zayedna.
In devotion to the Supreme,
Rab, Island Rab, Croatia
July 21, 2006.